Tuesday, February 13, 2018

How To Exit A Car (Without Exposing Yourself)


I'm not sure when flashing you private bits while getting out of a car became a thing but these 'accidental' wardrobe malfunctions have had their 15 minutes of infamy and it's time to pull up our big girl panties. Celebrities do have it harder trying to navigate their exits when they have a million camera flashes going off but I've seen my share of 'regular' people flashing their junk when getting out of a vehicle, most recently at my local Starbucks last week (what's with going commando in the middle of the winter??!!) Getting out of a car with a little grace takes practice, your movements should look smooth and effortless but unless you were brought up riding a horse and buggy in Amish country, it's something you've been doing your entire life so you should have mastered it by now. For those of us who need a little refresher on the ins and outs of getting in and out, here you go! 😊


Step 1: While you are still sitting in your seat, adjust your clothing by smoothing out your skirt or bottom half of your dress as far as you can, hopefully getting the hem as close to your knees as possible. If you are wearing a formal gown with a full skirt or train, gather the excess fabric and position it as far away from the car door as you can, your aim is a graceful exit and having to slide a taffeta tail between your legs is not going to do it. You are definitely going to need two hands for this manoeuvre so leave your purse on your seat or by your feet, out of they way but still accessible so you can grab it once you have exited.
Step 2: Open the car door and place your feet on the ground. Keep your knees together and if you are in heels, make sure the bottom of your shoes are level with the ground. Swivel your upper body to follow legs and feet.
Step 3: Push your body up and away from your seat, using both hands on the seat or one hand to the rear of the seat as you use the other hand to accept a helping hand. Start to rise smoothly with your two feet balanced firmly on the ground and dip your head slightly to avoid the door-frame so you don't knock yourself in the noggin.
Step 4: Check that your feet are on stable ground, avoiding grates and gravel and that you can see where you are going to take your first step. You don't want to do engage in all these graceful moves and then take a header with your first step.
Step 5: Start stepping away and SMILE (you've done good and no one has peeked at your undies or lack there of!) 

To get back into the car, easily reverse the whole order. Your bottom goes in first, dip your head while holding your dress or skirt down firmly against your legs with at least one hand, then swivel your knees and feet into the car.


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Wednesday, February 7, 2018

A Dog Walkers Duty... and Doody!


To the early morning dog walker.
We sure did step in it this morning!
And by 'we' I actually meant my children and I.
We stepped into your dog's fresh poop but I'm sure you figured that out.
We saw you looking over at us, I guess it was kind of hard not to notice my son who was in full meltdown mode, screaming "I just stepped in dog pooh!" at the top of his lungs. I know it was a little loud for 8am so I will beg your pardon for the disturbance but I had to prioritize between reminding him to keep his voice down or wiping all the poop from his boot so that he could make it across the schoolyard without being late AND without dragging fresh dog doo-doo into the school.
Remember the little pile that your dog left behind and you skillfully kicked a little snow over to cover?
Yes, that poop. 😢
Don't get me wrong, although I do not own a dog myself, I am a dog lover. My issue is not with your cute little pooch but with you, the two-legged, enlightened human being who most certainly understands the responsibilities of caring for a pet in a mindful and courteous manner.
And since we are speaking of dogs and 'manners', here are a few that I know all dog owners are well versed in but just in case...

Not Everyone Loves Your Pet
I know you love your dog to bits but that doesn’t mean that everyone else would also enjoy a slobbery lick first thing in the morning or to be mounted by your dog, even in the friendliest of settings.  Not arguing the fact that your dog happens to be the cutest little thing out there but some people may just not be in the mood for it, and there are many people that are afraid of dogs, plain and simple. Your dog is your best friend but not necessarily anyone else's so keep him/her leashed, close to you and don't allow him/her to run up onto others. If someone really wants to interact with your dog, let them make that decision and approach you.

Share the sidewalk
Be aware of other pedestrians’ space and don't take over the entire sidewalk. Others have just as much of a right to the sidewalk as you and your canine companion. Most people will move to one side or another to be courteous but it should never be because they are forced to mount someones lawn. A slightly unexpected move on your part or theirs, could have someone tripping over your dog's leash and causing an unnecessary accident

Use a leash
Leashes are not some crazy contraption created to hold back a dog’s freedom as a punishment. They are used as a safety device, for others around you and for your dog as well.
Unless you are at a dog park or a designated off-leash area, keep your dog leashed at all times. (Yes, once again I am looking at you neighbour lady who insists on walking her dog off-leash on the path that attaches to a schoolyard EVERY morning, knowing that you are going into a heavily trafficked area full of little kids). Also you can't assume that because you are able to vouch for your dog being the most perfectly well behaved animal in existence, that every other dog you might pass will have the same charming and dignified behaviour as your four-legged friend. What's good for the goose is good for the gander so you can't expect others to keep their dogs on a leash and not do the same with yours.
Many people get anxious when they come across a dog off-leash, regardless of the size of the dog so even if your front yard is your property, the sidewalk is not and your neighbours have the right to walk up and down that sidewalk without the fear of getting pounced on or bitten. If Fifi needs a quick run in the grass, your fenced off backyard is the place for Fifi to get down with a little nature. If you want your dog to run free and feel the wind through his wagging tail take him to a park that allows just that.

Do not trespass on other's property
Your dog might be obsessed with your neighbours garden gnome or their gorgeous rose bush but don't let them trample through someone else's garden. That garden could be someones pride and joy, some see their gardens as a work of art, so they might not take too kindly to your doggies messing up their botanical Monets. And while it's your neighbours plants that will bare the brunt of a curious dog, some plants might be harmful to your dog as well.

Be a Polished Pooper-Scooper
In most cities, there are laws in place about picking up after your dog but it shouldn't take a law for you to act with basic courtesy. You are responsible for the care of your animal, just as parents are responsible for their children. I'm pretty sure I would face more than just a few odd looks if I let my child go #2 on a sidewalk or the park and not take the proper steps to dispose of it.
If you are taking your dog out for a walk, ALWAYS take plastic doggie baggies with you, it's not an option.  Pick it up, tie it, and get rid of it either in a public garbage can or carry it home and dump it in your own trash can.


Have an etiquette or manners question?
Please send your inquiry to asklily@lilylemontree.com




Jack Rogers


Sunday, February 4, 2018

How To Open A Champagne Bottle


It's just one of those things.
Everyone needs to know how to properly open a champagne bottle.
Champagne moments tend to be a pretty big deal and who wants to feel extra nervous and uneasy when there is a potential for exploding corks and a shower of champers that is not as glam as one might think. But before we even get to the mechanics of the opening, there are a couple of things to take note of that are key to the smooth moment.
Champagne is much like a beautiful French girl with a secret, neither should ever be agitated. Make sure the bottle has not recently been rattled during transit or that it hasn't been shaken by the self-titled 'funny guy' in your party. Ideally your bottle should have rested for at least 30 minutes before trying to open it. An agitated champagne bottle will never, ever be your friend, trust on that one.
Your champagne should also be chilled (room temperature bubbly should never be an option).

Step 1
Remove the foil that envelops the cork. Make sure you have a champagne glass close by as you might have to swing into action, flute in hand, faster than you think. The type of champagne glass is completely up to you and should reflect your own personal style. Most choose the modern flute as they are considered the present day standard and are easier to store but I prefer to go against the tide. The coupe is my signature glass, often referred to as the OG when it comes to champagne vessels and a dashing vessel it is! Alternately, there is also a champagne tulip, recognized by its narrower top and wider bowl or for a thoroughly modern take, one could try the stemless glass. Loosen the wire cage that is found under the foil. Flip down the small wire “key” that's pressed up against the neck of the bottle at the bottom of the wire cage that encloses the cork and give it a few twists to loosen it before you pull it off and discard it. Always have a small clean towel on hand to place over the bottle as you try to pop the cork.
Step 2
Do your best to point the bottle away from any path of people and possessions you might shed a tear over if they become a casualty of a rogue cork with ideas of its own, all while keeping a steady thumb on the top of the cork.
Step 3
With a towel in one hand, cover the cork and the top of bottle and then gently start twisting the bottle, not the cork. The cork should ease its way out with a celebratory pop and as the champagne rushes out, that champagne flute in your hand that I mentioned before will come in handy.
Step 4
Pour a small amount into each glass and then top up as the bubbles start to mellow. Always hold the glass by the stem so your bubbly isn't affected by the heat of your hands on the body of the glass.
Cheers!


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